


Optical Short

by sbuggbot



Category: The Muppets (2011), The Muppets - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Headcanon-heavy, How Do I Tag, Humor, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Mostly a post-Muppets Most Wanted setting where they're doing a weekly show or something again, Oh look I don't understand 80s slang, References to other Muppet works within
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:55:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27001576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sbuggbot/pseuds/sbuggbot
Summary: '80s Robot has an optic malfunction and needs repairs. Walter tries to help him get it fixed as friends do.
Relationships: NONE.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	Optical Short

**Author's Note:**

> Me in 2013: "I really like '80s Robot, I want to see more content involving him!"  
> *7 years pass*  
> *80s Robot's performer becomes Kermit*  
> "Dangit I'm going to have to do this myself aren't I"  
> \----  
> This little robot has been living in my brain rent-free for approximately seven and a half years now and I have not known peace since. Posting this in the hopes I find another '80s Robot fan somewhere on the planet because he's causing a ruckus up there again.
> 
> \---ah crap I hit the post fic button before I was ready OH WELL
> 
> My first foray into a fandom that isn't SteamWorld. Hopefully no one's too OOC, I haven't been able to watch M11 or even MMW for several years.

Walter had nothing to do to help with the show right now; it was an off-day and there just wasn’t much he could do to help until later. To pass the time, he was hanging around with his boss’s similarly-unoccupied robotic butler and assistant ‘80s Robot. In the process of getting the troupe back together to save the studio from demolition, Walter had ended up befriending the strange little robot. So what if he didn’t know what year it was (hence the moniker), or had more than his share of glitches and malfunctions? Walter didn’t really care and considered him a friend all the same.

Right now he was in the ‘bot’s room taking turns playing Tetris on his Nintendo. Kermit had more mansion and more stuff than he knew what to do with and as a result, he didn’t really care about ‘80s Robot claiming some of the stuff and a room for himself as he became more sentient over the years. It helped that ‘80s Robot mainly showed interest in older stuff Kermit had since stopped using. A combination of the Y2K glitch and being isolated during a bot’s formative years led to such things.

‘80s Robot played Tetris. A lot. If he was left idle for long enough, he’d produce a Gameboy from who-knows-where and start playing on that to entertain himself. Walter, on the other hand, didn’t play video games that much growing up.

This skill disparity led to their “taking turns” leading more to Walter playing a round or two, then ‘80s Robot playing to the kill screen while Walter watched. But that was alright, it was still enjoyable for both parties. 

While Walter watched ‘80s Robot work his way through the lower levels, Walter was wondering about one thing, though…

“Why do you always play in black and white mode?” He knew the old TV they were using supported color; he’d seen as much when he switched over to the over-the-air broadcast on the TV once.

“I do?” It was early enough in the game that ‘80s Robot could divert some of his focus towards holding a conversation.

“Yeah, you always do for some reason.” Careful to not mess with the console itself and unplug the game, he adjusted a switch on the adapter. The screen burst into color. “See?”

There wasn’t a dramatic, visible reaction out of the robot, only the sound of his processor ticking up for a moment. He continued playing for several moments in silence before looking over at Walter.

“Walter, I’m colorblind.”

“Oh. Right. Do I need to switch it back?”

“Doesn’t make a difference to me, do whatever, I guess.”

Walter returned to his beanbag and they continued talking, mostly about the antics the Muppets had been getting up to both on and off the stage. The now-colored blocks fell faster and ‘80s Robot got quieter as he focused more processing space on wrangling them into place.

A flicker came across the left side of ‘80s Robot’s vision that he disregarded for the time being. What was much more difficult to ignore was half of his vision turning to static several seconds later. The term “BINOCULAR SYSTEM ERROR” flashed across his main processor before settling in one of his active memory stacks. That, combined with the influx of garbage visual data, was startling and unpleasant enough he dropped his controller and grabbed his head. “Not again. Gag me with a spoon,” he said, annoyance showing through his vocoded voice.

“Are you okay?” Walter asked, startled himself. He couldn’t see exactly what was going on, but the light in ‘80s Robot’s eye flickering wasn’t a good sign. “Your eye is--”

He waved him off. “I’m good, this isn’t new,” he said, considerably less concerned about this than Walter. “Don’t freak out, it’ll quit in a minute…” 

“How long have you been having trouble with that?”

“A couple weeks, but it’s always come back on in a minute or two, don't have a cow.” There was a popping noise from inside his head, followed by a wisp of smoke curling out of it. “Oh. That’s new,” he said as he looked up at it.

Walter decided he was going to have a cow anyway, especially with 80s Robot twitching some as he did when he had a major malfunction. “It looks bad from over here, maybe you should go to Bunsen to---”

“No way!” he blurted out, rolling backward, holding out his arms, and shaking his head.

“--get it fixed?” Walter finished, confused. ‘80s Robot was one of Bunsen’s many inventions, after all. If he needed something repaired or looked at, he was the best option Walter knew.

“I won’t visit Dr. Honeydew for repairs.”

“Why not?” 

“It’s Dr. Honeydew,” he droned, not bothering to modulate his voice at all. Returning to his normal speaking voice, he explained, “He is not good at following ‘please no tinkering’ requests.” As far as ‘80s Robot was concerned, it was a miracle he hadn’t ended up with a superlaser or some other dangerous weapon that was incompatible with the First Law of Robotics attached to him. Getting the unwanted additions removed was a pain in itself… Dr. Honeydew was brilliant, but he also swung between “bumbling” and “unhinged” like a clock pendulum.

“That’s… a good point,” Walter admitted. “But what---”

‘80s Robot’s eye picked that moment to light back up and he whooped. Evidently whatever malfunction he was experiencing internally stopped as well. “Back online! Tubular!” He raised an arm in the air while he cheered.

“It looks dimmer than your other eye, though…”

“But it’s working again,” he said. “Problem solved.”

His eye began flickering again, this time accompanied by his vision on that side going completely out. Disappointed, he dropped his arm. Something told him it wasn’t just going to come back on again on its own. “Bogus…”

“Um…”

“You don’t have to say it, I know.”

“What do you normally do when something happens, then?” Walter asked. As much credit as he gave him, he refused to believe that ‘80s Robot had simply never needed repairs in the past thirty-something years. 

“Usually I call Digit and he’ll fix it for me,” he said while jostling his head in the hope whatever broken connection would settle back into its correct place. “But he’s on some big trip and unreachable for another week or two. At least.”

“Who’s Digit?” Walter asked. “Wait, I know that answer, never mind.” He was a co-star during a short-lived, hour-long show series Kermit had collaborated on with Mr. Henson. One of Mr. Henson’s last projects, if Walter remembered correctly.

“He’s not the only option, sometimes I do things like---” And then he smacked the top of his head. 

Walter grabbed his arm before he could do it again. “Hey, don’t do that! You’ll hurt yourself more.”

“Mr. Walter. I do this all the time.” Unfortunately, it didn’t help with that issue this time around, although a couple of other sensors he hadn’t noticed went back into their correct alignments. 

“I know, but I’m worried you’ll just make something worse.” Seeing that the ‘bot wasn’t winding up to hit himself again, Walter released his arm.

“I’m not going to do it again, not for right now.” Admittedly, this level of concern wasn’t something he was familiar with. “This isn’t a big deal.”

Even as ‘80s Robot said that, Walter couldn’t help but notice him shuddering slightly the way he did whenever some malfunction was negatively affecting him. The fact he wasn’t letting go of his head either said a lot as well.

“You...lost half your vision. Are you sure you’re gonna be ok?”

The robot turned to leave the room. “I’ve got two optics for a reason.” Part of that reason, however, was to give him depth perception. This fact that ‘80s Robot had opted to ignore for the moment was demonstrated by him not only missing the doorway but driving straight into one of his shelves. The entire fixture shook from the impact, knocking a small robot action figure down onto the floor. (“MEGATRON HAS FALLEN,” ‘80s Robot said once he’d reoriented himself enough to recognize the figure had indeed fallen.)

While the dazed robot backed up to try leaving the room again, Walter grabbed his arm. “Here, let me take your hand before you hurt yourself.”

Now, the 80s Robot was not a fragile robot. He was still built by a Muppet, for a Muppet, to be a Muppet, and that called for a sturdy construction. 80s Robot had been thrown out of his own car by a greed and vengeance-crazed oil baron before. He'd been caught in the collateral damage of Gonzo's death-defying stunts. He'd been stuck to a frozen wall in a Siberian gulag. He'd even been the unfortunate recipient of a couple of Miss Piggy's infamous karate chops (and only one of those times had he been her intended target). And that wasn't even counting his normal clumsiness, bumping into things his spatial awareness sensors failed to warn him about or occasionally not seeing the stairs until he was actively falling down them. Or the time he had to fly cargo because _someone_ (he suspected that criminal frog that kidnapped Kermit and pretended to be him for a week) misplaced his passport.

Despite all this, he decided it wasn’t worth arguing with Walter right now and let the muppet manually guide him along. “Does anyone else know about your eye?” Walter asked.

“It fixed itself before I could tell anyone,” the ‘bot replied. “I usually don’t announce my malfunctions anyway. They announce themselves if they need to.”

“No wonder your breakdowns are so dramatic…” Walter mused. “Come on, let’s get your eye fixed.”

‘80s Robot stopped with enough force the rubber grips on his wheels drug against the floor with a _squeak_. “I’m not visiting Dr. Honeydew. I don’t want a death ray.”

“‘80s Robot, I can tell this is bugging you, come on.” Walter tried tugging him forward, but he wouldn’t budge and yanked his arm out of his grip with more force than he expected. “I didn’t even say anything about him!”

Somehow that detail had slipped the ‘bot’s attention. “Oh.”

“If you’ve got a different idea you’re happier with…”

‘80s Robot went over to the landline phone, hooked the handset jack to his earpiece, then dialed a number and waited. Even though he had no need he still held the handset to his head.

“What are you doing?”

“Digit,” he said between dial tones. “I’m trying to give Digit a ring.” Maybe plans had changed and he’d be able to reach the android earlier than expected. The first attempt went to voicemail, as did the second and the third. With the third attempt failing, ‘80s Robot had had enough and left an annoyed message calling Digit a dweeb before hanging up.

“So…?”

“No can do, I’ll just--” Another pop, accompanied by a spark. He flinched and grabbed his head with both hands now. “---ouch.”

This was going nowhere, but Walter had too much of a heart to leave ‘80s Robot by himself in the state he was, nor did he want to just switch him off and leave. The second option seemed particularly rude to him. “Let’s go to the studio anyway, maybe Scooter could help.”

“...okay,” the robot replied. He had to admit, that last spark had scared him some. A short might fry something else in his head, something more central and harder to fix. That, and it just didn’t feel very good; he could feel pain to an extent. “Let’s motor,” he said, holding out his hand.

Moving on muscle memory and habit, the two of them headed for the garage to get in the car. The door into the garage was in sight when ‘80s Robot realized something and stopped again. “Mr. Walter,” he said.

“What is it now?”

“I cannot drive in this state,” the ‘bot said. “It isn’t safe, I can’t see well.”

“Ooh, good point,” Walter said, looking down to think. “Well, I can’t drive at all, not on the roads at least. Maybe the bus?”

“I can’t drive a bus like this, either.”

“No, I meant _riding_ the bus, as passengers,” he said. “Or the subway?”

“I can only go places that are wheelchair-accessible unless someone carries me. Also, the last time I tried to get on the subway, my wheels got stuck in the gap.”

Walter grimaced. “Oh, I remember that, now.” That mishap happened in Europe during the Muppets’ star-crossed world tour, Sweetums tried to help but somehow managed to break his wheels even though literally all he had to do was pick the unfortunate robot up and put him on the floor of the train car. 

“And before you suggest it, it’s too far of a walk,” ‘80s Robot said. 

“Yeah…” Walter wasn’t planning on towing ‘80s Robot the rest of the way when his drivetrain battery died. “Should we just call an Uber?”

“What’s an Uber”

“...I’ll call an Uber,” Walter decided, taking out his phone. At least ‘80s Robot could get in and out of a car on his own, he thought.

* * *

The Uber arrived at the studio without incident other than the driver directing some odd looks at the passengers. You didn’t get a little muppet man and a cassette-era robot for passengers very often. The positive rating and the tip silenced any qualms, though. (“Why didn’t you just say it was a taxi?” ‘80s Robot had asked as the driver pulled up.)

They were at the studio now, and that was what was important at the moment. It wasn’t very busy, a lot of people were out right now or just not here yet. Planning and rehearsals weren’t until later today. 

‘80s Robot was still on edge, though. He knew Bunsen was one of the few that usually _was_ around during this time, and he did not want his attention right now. Hard to hide a flickering eye light among other things for very long. 

This also would have been easier to do if Scooter had been anywhere to be found. The gofer/stage technician wasn’t in any of his usual stage technician spots, leaving them looking around to see if he was floating around on some sort of assistant duty. 

‘80s Robot froze, but only for a moment. Quickly, he backed against the wall, deliberately shut off the light in his left eye, and pulled out his Gameboy. Sometimes he used the light in one eye to light up the screen while using the other one (light off) to see what was going on on the screen, and he pretended to be doing so right now.

Walter was about to ask him what he was doing when Bunsen rounded the corner. 

“Ah, Walter! ‘80s Robot! I didn’t expect to find you two here.”

“Heyyy,” Walter said, acting like there wasn’t currently a certain robot’s wheel parked on his foot. “What’re you doing here?”

“I am trying to find where my beakers went,” he said, hand to his chin.

“Oh, we haven’t seen him.”

“No, no, not Beaker, I’m talking about my glass beakers. They seem to have been misplaced during a set change.” Bunsen wandered off, muttering about his hopes they hadn’t ended up in the canteen again.

It wasn’t until several seconds after the scientist had that ‘80s Robot looked up and put the Gameboy away. “That was too close,” he said.

“Yeah...would you get off my foot now?”

“Sorry.”

* * *

Scooter was still nowhere to be found, by now they’d searched most of the studio. Rather, Walter had searched while leading a muddle-minded ‘80s Robot around. Was Scooter even here right now? Walter was doubting his recollection of the schedule. 

Whatever issue he had was wearing on ‘80s Robot’s systems, he was lagging and not responding correctly. According to him, the same error message kept getting tripped and popped up over and over, dragging the rest of his higher processes to a halt. Sometimes it seemed like his code was held together with overcooked spaghetti.

All at once, ‘80s Robot stopped in place. He wasn’t moving at all; the only thing changing was the flickering eye. “Uh… buddy?”

It took a full ten seconds for ‘80s Robot to respond. “Memory overflow. Resetting cache…” Then he let his head drop.

So he just needed a moment to sort his bearings, okay. Walter pushed ‘80s Robot into the corner so they weren’t blocking the middle of the walkway. It wasn’t as easy to move him when he wasn’t driving too, but still doable for a few feet.

It took a couple of minutes for ‘80s Robot to get his RAM back in order again once he’d cleared and released the unused memory and duplicate data. It was a temporary fix but it took some of the strain off him. 

A noise nearby but a little way away and on his bad side caught his attention. “Is something happening over there?” he asked, turning his head.

“Beaker’s coming down the hall,” Walter said. 

“Oh, he can help! He helped build me, he’d have a better idea than Scooter.” He drove a little forward so he wasn’t blending with the wall as much. “Psst!” He made the sound with a burst of static. “Beaker! Over here!”

“Meep?”

“Yes, I need your help with something.”

Beaker came over, startling once he saw the ‘bot’s flickering eye. He made a concerned meep, he knew that wasn’t normal. The only time ‘80s Robot’s eyes normally flickered was when he was booting up his modem, and that was just an unintended effect from the power draw and affected both eyes. 

“It’s not working right, I think it’s a connection issue. Can you fix it for me?”

Walter watched them go back and forth, Beaker doing most of the talking as ‘80s Robot could only handle short replies at the moment, error messages already beginning to clog his thoughts again. The result of this was Walter having no idea what they were talking about because he couldn’t understand a word Beaker was saying.

“What’s going on? Can he do it?”

“Yes, but he also wants to call in a favor. What is it you want me to do?”

Beaker meeped. Whatever his reply had ‘80s Robot hesitant.

“Are you sure you don’t need anything else done?”

Beaker shook his head.

“I… do not like that idea.”

“What’s wrong?” Walter asked.

“He wants me to be Dr. Honeydew’s eager and willing assistant for the next demonstration.”

Beaker nodded and meeped something, then tried to explain the latest invention even though he was aware Walter couldn’t understand him.

“Did you guys fix that problem where it kept eating through the plastic?”

The lab assistant looked away and tapped his pointer fingers together. His silence was not encouraging.

“Beaker, I am made of plastic.”

More discouraging silence, this time it went on for a full minute. It did enough speaking on its own.

“I can do it,” Walter said to the others’ surprise.

“What?”

“Meep?”

“I can be Bunsen’s assistant for the demonstration,” Walter said. “I’m not made of plastic, it won’t eat through me.” He had helped several of the other veteran Muppets with their skits and sets before, it wouldn’t be anything new for him.

“Walter, you don’t need to do that,” ‘80s Robot said. 

“No, I want to help, I know what I’m doing.” He knew what he was getting into. He’d seen every Muppet Labs segment aired at least twice over, and several unaired ones on top of that.

“Don’t you have your own tasks?” The last thing ‘80s Robot wanted was to be a bother for Walter or make the muppet take on more than he needed.

He seemed to be following the bot’s train of thought. “You can help the Swedish Chef prepare in my place.”

“Cool.”

Beaker shrugged with a meep, then nodded. He didn’t care if it was Walter helping Bunsen instead of ‘80s Robot; he mainly wanted to get out of an experiment for once. 

“I believe Dr. Honeydew keeps spare parts for me in his lab.” Without considering the consequences ‘80s Robot began to navigate there himself. Between his obscured vision and the memory leaks, he ended up driving into the doorway. The jolt jostled his components enough his head sparked again.

Beaker jumped and sank into his shirt collar, prompting Walter to note, “That’s the third time that’s happened,…” as he took the robot’s hand to guide him again.

* * *

“Can we not do the table, please? It’s just something in my head.”

They were in the lab now, Bunsen was still out looking for his misplaced lab equipment. It was a bigger one than the show one used to demonstrate findings to the public. This was where the breakthroughs were actually made. There was more equipment in here like the tilting worktable ‘80s Robot had just been referring to that he was placed on for bigger repairs.

After a moment of thought, Beaker nodded and sat down on one of the stools so he’d be at a good height to reach his head. With the repair kit he and Bunsen had put together in the past ready to go, he waved for ‘80s Robot to park it in front of him.

The robot muttered “radical!” to himself and did just that, without bumping into anything even! He knew the lab layout well. He made sure he was in a good spot, which Beaker indicated by patting the top of the robot’s head twice in quick succession. He nodded, then shut down, neck and arms going limp.

“Wait, what just--”

Beaker meeped at Walter quickly, gesturing for him to calm down. He pointed at ‘80s Robot and mimed sleeping. Easier to fix electronics when they’re not actively on. Nothing to worry about.

Walter wasn’t good enough with electronics to know what Beaker was doing once he opened the maintenance panel on the robot’s head. What he could tell was that the repair itself didn’t take very long. The majority of it seemed to be soldiering a few things and replacing a few connections.

Satisfied, Beaker replaced the panel and poked a button on ‘80s Robot’s back and the robot woke back up. This time, without his eye flickering, or any of the shuddering. 

“Is it better now?” Walter asked.

“Loads.” Beaker must have fixed up the connections for his other optic while he was at it; while he didn’t see the world in high-definition things were clearer, no static at the moment. “Thanks, dudes.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come yell at me on my Tumblr: [sbuggbot.tumblr.com](https://sbuggbot.tumblr.com)


End file.
